{I just want to feel some sunshine/I just want to find some place to be alone/We can live beside the ocean/Leave the fire behind/Swim out past the breakers/Watch the world die}<---everclear is a beautiful thing. I get nervous so easily when I think about Tuesday. I wish I didn't have to but you must admit that a month and a half is a long time to not see/talk to anybody, much less your boyfriend. In any case yesterday was hilariously fun. From the absolutely horrendous parking job, to the "look at my thong it's from America!", "whip it out", the orange nautica bubbly thing, the hot shirt, ice cream, shoe shopping, in Pyrokinesis the big red face with horns and the woman crawling up the glass : ), and 'playing Risk' in my basement. I don't know why I get so scared when I'm separated from people, somehow I'm just always afraid that something really momentous is going to happen and I'm going to miss out or something will change and I won't even know it until it's too late. Maybe we do need some time apart. maybe. but i'm not convinced that either of us will like it when it's actually happening. Haha though it will give me a good opportunity to lose 15 lbs. or so : ). It's presumptuous of me to think that you'd talk to me and it shows how much I've come to care. Better stop that it usually gets me into trouble remember? Sometimes I feel so wordless and vacant, I don't know why, Maryland is usually a fine place for me to articulate my thoughts, I hate the fact that I don't really have any desire to go to New York or Canada I just wish I could....ah i wish too much...I want too much and that's what gets me in trouble : (. I just have this sinking feeling like when you drop a large stone into a deep body of water, except i can't see the bottom and that always scares me. I don't like being scared, and i'm generally not i just can't imagine what it'll be like alone. maybe that's my problem : ) i think too far in advance. I guess what it comes down to is that I'm just jealous because he'll have so many ample distractions, beautiful and exciting places, and business so as to not miss me, but I don't have that...I suppose I better find something. <3